What Apple’s executive shake up press release really meant

Apple just announced an executive shake off of an amplitude that Apple hadn’t known for a very long time. Apple’s press release is very informative in what it says, and even more about what it doesn’t say. I’ll brush up my best cupertinologist skills to make what is being said even clearer.

Apple Announces Changes to Increase Collaboration Across Hardware, Software & Services.

Jony Ive, Bob Mansfield, Eddy Cue and Craig Federighi Add Responsibilities to Their Roles.

CUPERTINO, California—October 29, 2012—Apple® today announced executive management changes that will encourage even more collaboration between the Company’s world-class hardware, software and services teams.

The previous configuration of the executive management team had issue collaborating, today we’re fixing this.

As part of these changes, Jony Ive, Bob Mansfield, Eddy Cue and Craig Federighi will add more responsibilities to their roles. Apple also announced that Scott Forstall will be leaving Apple next year and will serve as an advisor to CEO Tim Cook in the interim.

Ive, Mansfield, Cue and Federighi were not the issue, and they stay. They even get more responsibilities. Forestall was the issue and is leaving. But as he knows a lot about our iOS plans (duh) so we’ll keep him on hand for a while, if only to ensure he doesn’t join a competitor until his knowledge of our future plans is outdated. We’re pretty pissed his attitude forced us to this, so we’re not going to even mention that the iOS project he led from the start has been a success of unprecedented proportion and is now by far the main reason Apple is so successful.

“We are in one of the most prolific periods of innovation and new products in Apple’s history,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “The amazing products that we’ve introduced in September and October, iPhone 5, iOS 6, iPad mini, iPad, iMac, MacBook Pro, iPod touch, iPod nano and many of our applications, could only have been created at Apple and are the direct result of our relentless focus on tightly integrating world-class hardware, software and services.”

Dear lazy journalist dying to spin this into another “Apple is doomed” piece: Apple is doing better than ever. Seriously, look it up. This is not a desperate move. But Apple’s unique strength is in its seamless integration of hardware, software and service, and we felt there was an  opportunity to improve there.

Jony Ive will provide leadership and direction for Human Interface (HI) across the company in addition to his role as the leader of Industrial Design. His incredible design aesthetic has been the driving force behind the look and feel of Apple’s products for more than a decade.

Ive knows his design stuff and has proven it for over 15 years at Apple. He will make sure our software interfaces are never a joking matter again. Game Center casino look and Calendar leather stitches, you’re out.

Eddy Cue will take on the additional responsibility of Siri® and Maps, placing all of our online services in one group. This organization has overseen major successes such as the iTunes Store®, the App Store℠, the iBookstore℠ and iCloud®. This group has an excellent track record of building and strengthening Apple’s online services to meet and exceed the high expectations of our customers.

Eddy Cue is an online service god, who masterfully handled the iTunes Store from the start, then delivered on the App Store and iBookstore. He even fixed that Mobile Me mess. We’re confident he’s the best man to quickly improve on Siri and Maps, not like the guy who handled it before and disappointed us all.

Craig Federighi will lead both iOS and OS X®. Apple has the most advanced mobile and desktop operating systems, and this move brings together both OS teams to make it even easier to deliver the best technology and user experience innovations to both platforms.

Given our new cloud centric approach where OSX and iOS are just clients for shared iCloud services, it makes sense to merge their teams. Craig Federighi will do it, even tough he doesn’t yet have as many accomplishments to brag about as Ive or Cue.

Bob Mansfield will lead a new group, Technologies, which combines all of Apple’s wireless teams across the company in one organization, fostering innovation in this area at an even higher level. This organization will also include the semiconductor teams, who have ambitious plans for the future.

We’ve found something big enough, interesting enough and independent enough for Bob Mansfield to convince him to stay. Mobile Internet is the future of all our hardware, not only iOS, which is why its make sense to have that group across platforms. We’re going to be more and more independently making our own chips. Intel, please get ready to start making your way out of Apple building.

Additionally, John Browett is leaving Apple. A search for a new head of Retail is underway and in the interim, the Retail team will report directly to Tim Cook. Apple’s Retail organization has an incredibly strong network of leaders at the store and regional level who will continue the excellent work that has been done over the past decade to revolutionize retailing with unique, innovative services for customers.

We don’t have a nice word to say about him. John Browett was the mother of all recruiting mistakes. We’re relieved to see him out ASAP. We don’t care if the competition hire him immediately. Apple retail teams always knew better than him how to run the stores.

Apple designs Macs, the best personal computers in the world, along with OS X, iLife, iWork and professional software. Apple leads the digital music revolution with its iPods and iTunes online store. Apple has reinvented the mobile phone with its revolutionary iPhone and App Store, and is defining the future of mobile media and computing devices with iPad.

We forgot to update our boilerplate text since the time where Macs were Apple’s most important products.

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